A Blogger In Training: Putting my Words where my Mouth is (wait, what?)-Week 1

Episode 1-Week 1-Monday January 4-Sunday January 10

Introduction

Consider me the Bob Costas of Mixed Martial Arts Reporting.  Not the wholesome image, being near the top of the reporting world, or the fact that High School basketball teams tower over me.  The comparison is that I report on a subject based off of viewing, insight, and research, as opposed to previous participation.  Well, that changes now.  I will be starting a new segment were I chronicle my venture into mixed martial arts.  This is not intended to be a story showing how I got into fighting because I do not plan to make a career out of actually fighting.  It is more focused on learning and taking classes with no experience.  I will be posting weekly updates of my training (a.k.a getting my ass whooped).  The goal of this endeavor is to help push anyone thinking about taking classes and entertain you with some humor (no guarantees) as you laugh at my unavoidable mishaps and embarrassing moments.  If you enjoy reading about the misfortunes of others than I highly recommend you tune in.

I can discuss in detail different transitions, guards, and submissions on the ground, but I have never performed them and that is a different beast.  For example, if my coach was discussing transitioning into side control and locking in an arm triangle I completely understand what he means, but would probably look like a fish out of water performing it.  Based on this I decided I will keep my mouth shut during class and offer no bits of insight.  No news is good news and knowing when to keep your mouth shut prevents you from putting your foot in it.  I am yet to learn this skill, but feel confident I can keep it up at least for a few classes.

Week 1 After the Jump

Tuesday: Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu

So I woke up Tuesday very excited and legitimately nervous about my first day of class, especially since it was a BJJ day which is the facet I am probably most versed on.  With the exception of scavenging for my gi (the one I used for those three Judo classes) at the bottom of my linen closest, my morning was nothing exceptional or out of the ordinary.  However, I did discover that I had shrunk my gi to 80s metro small and I looked like that dude who wears youth large shirts because he thinks it makes him look jacked, so that was nice. 

I woke up, showered, fed my dog, brushed my teeth, and left for work.  The only real difference was the constant thought I had running through my head all day.  Please, please, do not let a child submit me in any fashion.  I am not joking, it was honestly my only real fear.  Well, that and the fact I will probably throw up 20 minutes in because I have never been this out of shape in my life.  However, that was not much a fear as the child submission because the child submission was unsure while the throw up was a guarantee.  There was no doubt in mind that I would not throw up. 

In the end, I put my fear aside thanks to the words of a wise television character, "We're all the same skill level (1:40 mark)," and then after work I headed off to Chu To Bu West for my first day of class (sans apple). 

I should have known that shrinking my gi pants so small that it appeared as if I was wearing Capris was a sign things were not going to work out my first day.  Sign number 2 was the fact I had to hang out after work for two hours to wait for class to start since the gym is near my office, but not my home.  These two ominous signals where followed by me leaving without the address, driving back to the office to get the address, and face planting on a patch of ice outside my car when I was entering the facility.  My first day of classes culminated with the recognition that I moronically confused the times and showed up with five minutes left in class.  I was under the assumption that Tuesday and Thursday were 8-9:30, but in fact Monday and Wednesday are 8-9:30.  Tuesday and Thursday are 7-8:30.  All in all, my first day was somewhat of an idiotic disaster, but despite the fact I had hung out at work for 10 hours on Tuesday I was not deterred and headed back on Thursday for submission grappling.

Thursday: Submission Grappling

Of all the classes through the week I was most excited for submission grappling.  Since it was a no gi class I did not have to wear my Capris and the ground game is always what I found most interesting in MMA.  I showed up to work with my traded high school basketball shorts, my beat up college t-shirt, and I was ready to go after work.  Living in Cleveland provided me the ability to witness what a true winter is when it snowed all day reaching six inches and even though my car skids on half an inch of fake snow I made the drive over to the gym after work.  In fact, I was excited about the conditions because I made the assumption attendance would be smaller and I would therefore receive more instruction.  However, that train of thought was taken to the extreme as the snow was too much for everyone and even the instructors were unable to make it so class was cancelled.  I unfortunately was not informed because I had not actually gone to class yet and was not on the email chain.  For whatever reason there was some force that did not want me to begin this endeavor and I have started 0-2, but I was confident things would change.

Friday: Boxing

Friday was boxing and I was ready.  This was the program's first boxing class so I had a solid idea of what was awaiting me.  I played enough sports my whole life to remember that early days involve no scrimmaging therefore almost no actual boxing work was awaiting me.  The early days are conditioning and working without equipment so I knew this would be no different.  Unfortunately this is the one thing that had me shaking before class.  After scanning the gym and not noticing an up-chuck bucket I became even more nervous as I knew I would be the kid that threw up on the mat.  Seriously, this is class one and our coach was under the assumption no one would throw up.  This either meant I was going to embarrass myself or the conditioning was not going to be that bad. 

My fears were realized when coach opened up class by telling us conditioning was the deciding factor in all combat sports.  We started off jump roping rounds.  Did some runs, shuffles, burpies, agility work, abdominal work, and briefly discussed punching (jab and cross).  The striking was more a gimmie at the end of class to keep people happy.  All coaches in all sports do it so I understood and I was happy to work on some basic combinations.  Despite my early fears I discovered that I am in better shape than I believed as the conditioning was nothing too terrible.  However, it was not all peaches (side note: I do not like this saying as I do not like peaches.  Are peaches that universally enjoyed that the saying is appropriate?) as I was introduced to the devil and his name is "neck strengthening exercises."  If I were to describe the activity most would scoff at me for the relative ease, but I have never felt pain like this before.  The pain in my neck could be described as strain, piercing, throbbing, and paralyzing.  However, the real sacrifice came the following two days when the soreness in my neck affected my entire body.  I was so sore Saturday lying on futon that I was unable to get up so I decided to roll off the futon onto the hardwood floor so I could use the table to lift myself up...this is not an exaggeration. 

Next week will bring me jiu-jitsu and submission grappling as I will be heading home to Chicago on Friday and unable to strengthen my neck again on Friday.  BJJ and submission grappling classes will be when I face my ultimate fear with this experiment when a high school kid will without a doubt put me to sleep.  As this trip progresses expect a three day endeavor with jiu-jitsu, grappling, and boxing.  This is all under the assumption my I can lift an arm, move my neck, or sit down on my toilet without feeling immense soreness, but if the soreness does not disperse in time for class at least I have a built in excuse ready to go.

All in all things went well, however they did not go like this.

1. Sorry about the length.

2. Let me know if you would like to hear more specifics of what was done in practice or any other ideas you might have as this is a work in progress.

3. If you made it to the end of this, thank you.