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What happens to all those bad pick segments?

This is a question that has been bugging WKR for some time. Writers and pundits often make horrible predictions yet no one holds them accountable (except for our readers, of course). The bloated size of the Internet often allows us to hide our mistakes behind the ether of electrons and photons, but not here at WKR.

We are introducing a new feature we are calling Monday Morning Pick Roast where we will recap our major event Picks Segment FJM-style. Our observant readers will notice that our first edition is already a day late which we wouldn't have any other way. But the point of this feature is to allow our readers to see our horrible mistakes in bold helvetica font.

SBN coverage of UFC 109: Relentless

Our fearless leader falls on his sword first:

Chael has been making waves and as a result people are taking notice but that doesn't alter the fact he is fighting a superior fighter. Marquardt via submission Round 2.

Superior fighter? Do you mean the guy whose ass was on the mat getting his faced beat in by the guy who won't train Jiu-Jitsu because he is a Republican! Nice judge of talent ass clown!

Thiago may be a bad ass police commando from Brazil but in a cage he is just like any other fighter (guns aren't allowed, right?). Swick is the more technical fighter and while Paulo has shown improvement he struggled in the later rounds against Jacob Volkmann. I think we will see Thiago jump out to an early lead but fall behind in the later rounds. Swick via unanimous decision (29-28).

**BOPE units busts through the door and blows a hole in the ceiling. In repels Paulo Thiago from a helicopter**

Paulo Thiago (in broken English): So, I heard you picked against me?

Zak: Uhhh...maybe...

Paulo Thiago: Why did you do that?

Zak: I just don't think your patty-cake striking is all that good.

Pualo Thiago: WHAT DID YOU CALL MY PUNCHES

Zak (whispers): patty-cake punches....

**Paulo Thiago stares menacingly. Signals a BOPE officer then this happens**

I don't think Nover is really that good, nor was ever any good other than receiving high praise from Dana White. But then again I am pretty sure Rob Emerson is awful. How do you pick between to awful fighters? Simple toss a coin. It came up heads, which means Nover wins via unanimous decision.

You actually tossed a coin to make a pick!? Way to have faith in your intuition, which, for the record, was correct! Why don't you grow a pair and make a pick. I bet you liked Dear John too.

Rolles Gracie via submission Round 1.

HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH. You lazy piece of crap! You couldn't write more other than a Gracie win! Too bad you picked a lazy, out of shape fighter trading on his surname. In other words you picked French Aristocracy...

Next up is Nick Becker:

No matter what the ‘new and improved' Coleman brings to the table, Couture still holds the edge in every category there is. Couture via Unanimous Decision.

This ‘new and improved Coleman we'd been hearing about turned out to be the most blatant example of false advertising since The Neverending Story.

With most of Swick's pre-fight talk surrounding a possible Dan Hardy rematch, I'm not so sure he hasn't overlooked his opponent. I fully expect Thiago to test Swick's ground game and while I don't necessarily think "Quick" will pass with flying colors, I believe he'll do just enough standing to earn a win on points. Swick by Unanimous Decision.

I'm glad the Mike Swick bandwagon wasn't moving very ‘Quick' last night, otherwise I would have hurt myself jumping off of it.

I'm sure at some point Serra will land a haymaker on the jaw of Trigg, but I don't see him being aggressive enough to get the finish. Serra by Split Decision.

....Must... learn... to... stop... while... I'm... ahead...

I think we'll (finally) see Nover start to live up to some of his promise. Nover via Unanimous Decision in the Fight of the Night.

Well that was a pathetic attempt at prognostication. I'm about as good at picking fights as Nover is at winning them. At this point Zak Woods probably regrets calling me "The Next Zach Krantz." Don't give up on me Zak, I still have potential!

Word on the street is that Davis is a beast. That said, I'm gonna go with WEC-era Stann showing up to kick ass in the name of the good ol' U.S of A. Stann by KO Round 1.

Hmmm, so there really is a big difference between WEC-level competition and UFC-level competition. Who knew?

While Beltran will be a tougher test than Al-Turk would've been, let's not overlook the fact that he was still brought in to lose. Gracie by Submission Round 1.

Jeez, what a mess... Are they handing out Gracie surnames at the dollar store now?

Spencer's turn:

Chael Sonnen is right - Nate Marquardt is better at everything than he is. Marquardt by TKO, Round 1.

I should have remembered that Sonnen also said he was a better fighter and would win the fight.

Both guys should hang'em up and become television personalities. That is where I would rather see them. Serra hasn't won since beating GSP, while Trigg has managed a couple victories in that time. While Josh Koscheck made him look real old, Matt Serra is no Josh Koscheck, and Trigg should be able to squeeze out a win. Trigg by Unanimous Decision.

Or Matt Serra will punch him into retirement!

Nover by Unanimous Decision.

At this point, Nover isn't even Anderson Cooper, yet alone Anderson Silva.

Rolles Gracie by very quick submission, Round 1.

Well, he tried to earn the quick submission, but used the lone ounce of gas in his tank trying and shit the bed from there out.