WKR Imagines the Signing of James Toney
by Zak Woods on Mar 4, 2010 8:53 AM EST
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Meeting at Zuffa headquarters
Employee #1: Alright people, Strikeforce just made a few announcements this week so we need to figure out how to wrestle the narrative back towards the UFC. Let's throw out some idea.
Arianny Celeste: We could fire Chandella Powell and make me Queen of the card girls!!!!!!
Silence as everyone thinks over the suggestion
Employee #1: That's not quite the direction we are going in.
The Octo-mom quickly rushes to the side of the deeply offended Arianny and helps her out of the room. Everyone looks around awkwardly until someone speaks up.
Employee #2: We could put together a card to counter the CBS event.
Employee #1: Me likes! But who would fight on it?
Employee #3: We could make a big splash in free agency and sign someone. That way it would be a double whammy.
Employee #1: Even better!
Employee #2: Is there even any free agents available that would get people talking
Door swing opens Dana White enters the conference room
Dana White: Listen up you bitches! I just signed JAMES TONEY! Eat that CBS and Herschel Walker!
Quiet murmurs fill the conference room. Finally someone breaks the silence.
Employee #1: Uh Dana, how does having a forty-one year old boxer that few young people have heard of, who hasn't fought anyone decent in four years and tested positive for steroids twice a good thing?
Dana White: Two words: FREAK FIGHT!
Employee #2: But don't we bash Strikeforce for Herschel Walker and other promotions when they put on freak fights?
Dana White: Your damn right! But that's because they DON'T DO FREAK FIGHT RIGHT! Did you see what I did with Kimbo Slice ass hole? We are swimming in FREAK RATINGS!
Employee #1: So what you are saying is you want freak fights?
Employee #3: But--
Dana White: I got to have more FREAK FIGHT!
Employee #1: Okay, so who are we going to match him up against?
Employee #2: Well, we could go Mark Munoz or---
Dana White: I GOT TO HAVE MORE FREAK FIGHT!
Employee #3: Umm, I am confused
Dana White: Trust me, I've been in this business for a longtime and the people got to have their FREAK FIGHT!
Employee #3: Why not Kimbo Slice then--
Dana White interrupts
Dana White: That is exactly the type of FREAK FIGHT that we need.
Everyone leaves the room. Dana White talks on the phone to explain why his freak fighter signing is different than other promotions freak fighters. Suddenly an icy chill goes up Dana's spine as if someone is looking at him. He looks to the door but it is closed. As Dana turns back he is shocked to see the ghost of Gary Shaw:
Ghost Gary Shaw: Daaaaannnaaaaaaa. *cough cough* Sorry, I had something in my throat. Dana, I am so proud that you are following in my footsteps.
Dana White: No I am not Gary! My FREAK FIGHTS are completely different than yours!
Ghost Gary Shaw: Really? I had Kimbo Slice, you have Kimbo Slice. Strikeforce has former a NFL player. You have former NFL players. Strikeforce has former WWE wrestler you have former WWE wrestler--
Dana White: NOOOO! IT'S NOT THE SAME I SWEAR!!
Ghost Gary Shaw: There is someone else who would like to visit you.
Dana White: Oh no!
Ghost Gary Shaw: OH YES!
Mist swirls above Dana White's head as he begins to cower in fear. Suddenly a new ghost appears. It's...
...JARED SHAW!
Dana White: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
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I don't know.
Haven’t seen/read anything about her.. but I guess they probably won’t allow arianny to go through the day without getting pampered by an octomom.. haha
by Anton Tabuena on Mar 4, 2010 9:50 AM EST up reply actions
How the hell does James Toney = Hershel Walker?
Seriously, I get that you don’t like Dana White, but how is a 50-year old football player in the same ballpark?
I don’t hate Dana I am just having fun with this
Toney is Ray Mercer except a steroid user. What did Dana say when Kimbo fought Ray?
watchkalibrun.com
WKR Imagines the "Singing" of James Toney
Well, that’s a different way to go. American Idol is a ratings juggernaut after all. Maybe the UFC could lure Mayhem Miller over as he’s dedicated to being an entertainer. Just 10 more spots to fill. No one would see this coming.
by FragglesHateKos on Mar 4, 2010 12:40 PM EST reply actions
so explain to me why i got a warning?
i cant be critical of your satires, of which i usually enjoy?
is it because i said the word that rhymes with mamortion? are you afraid of offending an unborn fetus?
im confused
i didint get a message, i came to the site and got a pop up that said im warned
so i can say what i want as long as its not a word that sounds like raroartion
seems flimsy
now that is freakin funny!
This story line is freaking funny. I laughed all the way through it. Keep up the good work!
"Maybe it might not be me that touches a million people, but maybe I’ll touch that One that’ll touch a million. That’s what it’s about man…....." Charles "MASK" Lewis, RIP 1963-2009
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