WKR New Feature: Stupid Fan Stories

Granted my soccer knowledge is limited compared to the average soccer fan (yet extensive compared to the average American) I cannot say for certain, but I am pretty sure the U.S.A. just got screwed out of the "W."  Regardless, I know I am more educated than the fan who SCREAMED "just score another point already" when the U.S. of A. was down 2-1. 

Growing up in a Jewish household I learned one thing very early in life.  Self Deprecation.  Side note: if any of you thought being cheap or kvetching (Yiddish for complain) then screw you.  The reason I bring up self deprecation is because we as MMA fans must realize that our fan base includes at some level, ignorant individuals.  A lot of fans are not educated and still learning the sport; not that there's anything wrong with that.  Seriously there is nothing wrong with that, everyone has to be new at some point and we should welcome new fans to our sport.  I am a new hockey fan and love the sport, but do not pretend to be an expert or scream strategy at my television.  However, it is amusing when new fans pretend to be knowledgeable and make ridiculous comments.  This is most prevalent at a baseball game where an individual can easily hear the conversations of nearby fans, which tend to be hilarious. 

In honor of us mocking our own fan base and the "just score another point already" individual I decided to share an amusing antidote of my own about MMA.  Below I share an awkward moment for myself, but please join in the fun.  If you have a funny moment or story than write a fan post, comment, or send an email and we will try and post them.  Remember though, the enjoyment of the story comes from knowing that it is real so please be honest.  My story after the jump.

I am far from an imposing figure.  I am definitely not hobo jesus, but I do not impose fear amongst strangers.  Therefore an individual looking for a fight is not instantly drawn to me, but probably is not backing down when he sizes me up.  In addition, I may be the world's expert in not losing my temper while at the same time increases the anger in another individuals.  Since I rarely ever get angry or lose my temper, yet am almost always sarcastic I frustrat and anger other individuals trying to start fights with me in the past.  I bring this up in remembrance of a specific moment when I lived in Boston.  For those who have lived in Boston, finding an angry, irrational, Napoleon Complex individual is not the hardest of tasks.  Do not get me wrong, I loved Boston and would move back, but that is simply the truth.

So there I was, minding my own business on industry night with some fellow bartenders (best job ever when is school) when one of my friends spills his beer on the shoes of another customer.  We immediately apologize (sincerely) and offer to buy him and his friend a drink.  However, due to the fact that the spiller was a female (couldn't start a fight with her) and the angry man child was with a female (had to look big in front of her) I became the target of his assault.  After a short profanity filled tirade from him, I apologized again, but calmly said there is nothing else I can offer and turned back to my friends.  This was met with the greatest fighting words ever ushered in my life experience.  At the top of his lungs his screamed so the whole bar could hear, "I am going to UFC the shit out of you!"

It was at this moment that I lost control of the situation.  I immediately laughed out load and asked him if he was going to Bacardi the shit out of his drink.  He did not find my comment amusing (people rarely do) and proceeded by ripping his shirt off in the middle of the bar.  I really have no explanation why this happens, but there are only two guys who rip their shirts off in bars.  The super jacked and the awkwardly fat.  Not necessarily very fat, but awkward fat.  He was obviously the latter. 

The rest happened quickly because bouncers appear out of the blue whenever shirts come off, but within the next few seconds the offending individual threw a punch at me, whiffed by about a foot, fell over, face planted, and refused to stand up (not motionless, just drunk).  What started off as a spilled drink ended with a "I'm going to UFC the shit out of you" and a 5'6, 190 pound man lying face down and shirtless on the floor of the bar as his female friend silently backed away.  While this was not during a fight and I do not know he watched MMA/the UFC, his reference was the pinnacle of this moment for me.  Oh yea, did I mention he was wearing a designer t-shirt...oooof course.

Any good stories (or really anything better than this) then send them our way or post them in the fan section and watch out for dudes who are going to UFC the shit out of you.  Hilarity will probably ensue.