Thiago Alves Doesn't Make Weight Again And Deserves To Be Made Fun Of In The Form Of Haikus
by metricjulie on Aug 7, 2010 7:46 PM EDT
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Before the weigh ins for UFC 117 Friday night, I tweeted that I would taunt a fighter relentlessly through tweets in the form of haikus until his fight if he didn't make weight.
As soon as I saw Thiago Alves step onto the scale, I saw the fear in his eyes and knew he hadn't made weight. Well, I mostly knew when they said he had weighed in at 171.5 lbs. That was my second clue. Then when they confirmed it I knew for sure.
Since Thiago apparently is not a top contender since he cannot cut weight or doesn't value this opportunity enough to take it seriously, he deserves some kickass haikus. It may seem counterproductive to indulge his desire for poetry with my haikus, but I am a brain ninja as described by Dane Cook. Trust me; it will sting.
Enjoy, Thiago. Also everyone else reading.
Clock is ticking now / Alves needs to shed some more / Or I make haikus.
HAHAHAHAHA / Alves, you didn't make weight / F*ckin haiku time.
Alves tries again / Still at half a pound over / Good luck tomorrow.
Guess what, Thiago / Or, "The Pitbull" as they say / Jon Fitch is waiting.
On the radio / We're previewing UFC / Not picking Alves.
Tonight's show was fun / Again, not picking Alves / He's no contender.
Four AM wake up / Easier than cutting weight / Don't you think, Alves?
It is so early / I can't wait for UFC / Fitch awaits, Alves.
Thiago Alves / You are not a contender / For the title shot.
I am exhausted / Not as much as Thiago / Who couldn't make weight.
Thiago Alves / You're not a top contender / Unprofessional.
It is almost time / For Thiago to fight Fitch / Good luck with that, man.
Thiago Alves / Dana White is not impressed / By your performance.
Can't wait for the fights / UFC one seventeen / Except yours, Alves.
Georges Rush St-Pierre / Won even with a pulled groin / HAHAHAHAHA.
Alves on main card / Enjoy it for the last time / You're done after this.
Maybe middleweight / Is a better division / For fatties like you.
After the "fatties" one, I feel like it's time to stop on a high note. I will be accepting comments, praise and requests for custom poetry.
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when they said he had weighed in at 171.5 lbs. That was my second clue
hahahahaha
Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
Dearest metricjulie
FIRST COMME- oh crap, registering with sbn killed my computer.
I LOVE THIS. you’re amazing. more please. You might convert me to UFC yet!
we should all write haiku's for alves
and send them to him iced into a cake (its the only way fatty will read)
oh god please god why
did i eat that apple pie
now i am THAT guy
Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
quality as always
and everyone check out her radio show!
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Hoya Saxa
by David St. Martin on Aug 7, 2010 7:57 PM EDT reply actions
My fav
Thiago Alves / You’re not a top contender / Unprofessional.
"I ain't got time to breath."
Watch Tosh.O
Pain don't hurt...
Thiago Alves / The Brand New Spokesperson For / Domino’s Pizza
MMAMoneyLine
by MMAMoneyLine on Aug 7, 2010 8:30 PM EDT reply actions 1 recs
Holy shit, this is gold. I’m gonna rec it as soon as I get to a computer. Very nice work Julie, my expectations have been surpassed.
"Old Dogs does to the screen what old dogs do to the carpet. It's unfortunate that only the latter can be taken out and shot." -Kyle Smith
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by Nick Becker on Aug 7, 2010 8:38 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
I'm inspired
You said this time / Weight a problem would not be / You are a liar
"Old Dogs does to the screen what old dogs do to the carpet. It's unfortunate that only the latter can be taken out and shot." -Kyle Smith
watchkalibrun.com
by Nick Becker on Aug 7, 2010 8:44 PM EDT via mobile reply actions
Damn biffed it, Take 2
You said that this time / Weight a problem would not be / You are a liar
"Old Dogs does to the screen what old dogs do to the carpet. It's unfortunate that only the latter can be taken out and shot." -Kyle Smith
watchkalibrun.com
by Nick Becker on Aug 7, 2010 8:46 PM EDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
Rec'd
for yoda haiku bad assery
Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
by Chris Toffer on Aug 7, 2010 11:00 PM EDT up reply actions
YAY! Gotta run to catch the fights but you guys.
Let your inner poet out for it is beautiful.
Also it doesn’t hurt to drink before if you feel weird about writing poetry.
I'm funny and/or inappropriate on twitter @metricjulie
I also have a blog. I try hard to be funny and it's uncomfortable sometimes. www.metricjulie.com
Muay Thai Powerhouse / Pitbull Alves / BAD DOG!
"I ain't got time to breath."
Watch Tosh.O
Pain don't hurt...
Some of you haven't got the right number of syllables!!!
It’s meant to be 5 / 7 / 5
I laughed at alves / Then I looked at my tummy / And shut the hell up.
But in all seriousness, its a tad bit rediculous that hes a title contender that he didn’t make weight. But at the same time, half a pound ain’t that bad. But I might just be swayed by his sexiness. I can’t help it.
lol nice
Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
by Chris Toffer on Aug 7, 2010 11:01 PM EDT up reply actions
OMG!?!?!?!?!? CHAEL'S KICKING ANDERSONS ASS!!!!
OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anderson just SUBMITTED CHAEL!!!!!!!
Whoops wrong thread.
"I ain't got time to breath."
Watch Tosh.O
Pain don't hurt...
WOW what a night.
Chael dominates and loses at the buzzer
Matt Huges chokes out another Gracie
Stefan Stuve pulls one out his ass
Big Country and JDS went to FUCKING WAR!!!!!!!!
I have such a huge boner right now……..off to youporn.com to burn off this energy!
BTW GSP is the new P4P king…..all hail
"I ain't got time to breath."
Watch Tosh.O
Pain don't hurt...
im going to regret this
but does getting sub’d by Werdum look a lot better than Silva getting dismantled for 5 rounds?
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Hoya Saxa
by David St. Martin on Aug 8, 2010 2:27 AM EDT reply actions
It looks leagues better.
Driving the Chael Sonnen hype train, here's to hoping we don't get derailed by 4/5 of the way to the next station!
by Kaleb Kelchner on Aug 8, 2010 2:40 AM EDT up reply actions
Mike Chiappetta- Good question. The thing about those polls, everyone has their own criteria. I give AS massive credit for overcoming adversity.
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Hoya Saxa
by David St. Martin on Aug 8, 2010 3:03 AM EDT up reply actions
me -I agree. I just feel like falling victim to a sub from Werdum is a better loss than getting dominated for 5 rounds, and win
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Hoya Saxa
by David St. Martin on Aug 8, 2010 3:04 AM EDT up reply actions
Mike Chiappetta- Any win is always better than a loss. Silva hasn’t faced adversity in a long time and still had the heart to come back.
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Hoya Saxa
by David St. Martin on Aug 8, 2010 3:05 AM EDT reply actions
Winning > Losing
Sorry man, but I gotta agree with Chiappetta on this one
"Old Dogs does to the screen what old dogs do to the carpet. It's unfortunate that only the latter can be taken out and shot." -Kyle Smith
watchkalibrun.com
Well...
I think Fedor beats Werdum more times than not, but I’m thinking Sonnen beats Silva 50% of the time at least.
Even a broken clock is right two times a day.
Let me try
If only I had
Taken a strong laxative
Before the weigh in
Next match solution:
Inflate gut to maximum
with helium gas
(i’m treating helium as 3 syllables :P … or you can go “with some helium gas”)
